Time Out

Music: Matchbox 20, Bright Lights

I spent a couple of days with Lucia after I went over her flat. It was good for me to spend some time with someone, after all, I was used to going home to Rhys when work had stressed me out too much and I wanted to have someone to talk to. The work setting doesn't always do that for me, especially when the others aren't around. I thought about Suzie who had become too obsessed with work so that she had lost perspective. Jack chose me to replace her. A part of that is keeping a connection with the world outside Torchwood, but also balancing that with paying attention to work. I know that I can do this job no matter what comes at us.

Life After

Music: Rihanna, Disturbia

So... a lot of things have changed recently... I made friends with Lucia Moretti. Shortly after that we discovered Lisa had returned from the dead. Somehow victims from Torchwood One, humans converted into Cybermen, had been resurrected, even Lisa who we had killed in the Hub after she tried to convert us. Now Lisa is fully human, no sign of her Cyberman state remains. Though she has lost her way, since she can't have Ianto back and resume her life with him.

After Lucia left the Hub I stayed over at her flat. Before that she had been looking after Mica at Torchwood, since Gray broke into Mica's house leaving a dead dog in her bed. Mica was afraid to stay there even after her mother renovated the house and we had already put in extra security measures there. She ran away from home back to the Hub, and then went off in the TARDIS with the Doctor and Rose, taking her puppies Panda and Humphrey with her. Soon after that Lucia had an argument with Ianto over her friendship with Mica, leading to Lucia leaving as well.

I was more lost than ever not having Lucia around or Mica. I kept having those dreams that someone was coming after me in the Hub. Sometimes in the dreams I would turn around and Gray was there pulling me back to the cells. In other visions Rhys was there instead, either way I would wake up scared. One time last week I called up Lucia and she told me I could come over. I told her what was happening, talked about how much I missed Rhys. He was the only one there all the time since college even when I had to stay at work or whatever. I saw Jack and Ianto or Owen and Tosh together knowing I was out of place. I know how Lisa and Lucia feel, not having a place there.

Suzie Costello said this to me that night in front of the Hub. I didn't understand then, but I do now.

"How can you do any other job after this one?"

"Cos it gets inside you. You do this job for long enough, and you
end up thinking, "How come we get all the Weevils and bollocks and shit?" Is
that what alien life is? Filth? But maybe there's better stuff out there, brilliant stuff,beautiful stuff. Just ... they don't come here. This planet's so dirty, that's all we get- the shit."

"I wish I could forget."